Thursday, October 06, 2005
Unmasking MCF
Dr. Dr. Bob Ballard found the wreckage of Titanic.
Howard Carter led the world to King Tut's tomb.
The North Pole revealed her secrets to Robert Perry and Mathew Henson.
These are the men I admire. This is the short list of my heroes. These are the men who, facing insurmountable odds and the public's scornful doubt, rose up with confidence and bravery and said "I can. I will."
I had to join them. I had to add my own name to the list.
But how?
The great mysteries of our age are solved. Things lost have been found, ages forgotten have been remembered, and the last frontiers have yielded.
How, then? How would I make my mark? What mystery would I reveal to the world? What question would I answer? What secret would I drag, kicking and screaming if need be, into the daylight of inspection?
There was only one. Only one mystery that remained unsolved. Only one dark, clandestine corner that remained unknown to the human eye.
I had to unmask the Mysterious Cloaked Figure.
The Mysterious Cloaked Figure is a blogger from the north. His name and visage have remained hidden for lo this long year, although much is known about his life, his family, his dreams and his goals. Those of us who read his blog have gone from casual curiosity to outright obsession. Now that we knew so much about him, we had to know what he looked like. Promises of a "revealing" photo-blog entry were often made, and yet little was seen, much was left in shadow.
I had to do it. Bloggers all over the world would thank me. I had to unmask him.
But how?
I didn't have much to work with. There were photos, but like the infamous bigfoot film from the 70's, they were indistinct, unclear, and as mysterious as the man himself. Could they, somehow, be combined to reveal a greater sum? Was there a way? Could these few photos, when properly studied and understood, show us something more?
Like my heroes before me, I knew that I'd have to rely on the best technology of my age. What tools were available to me? What were the resources from which I could draw inspiration and resolve?
I searched the net.
Adobe had many options available, but their focus is largely commercial. I'd need something forensic, something scientific. Alas, Adobe was not to be.
The raw materials I had to work with were scant and minute. I'd need something sophisticated. Something specifically designed for facial compsition. Unfortunately, my limited resources confined me to products available on a "shareware," "freeware," "trialware," or "warezware" basis.
Ultimately, I realized, I'd have to draw primarily from my own resolve.
I studied the experts in the field, learned as much as I could, tried to reach their hights and share their vision. I wanted forensic construction to be second nature to me, I wanted it to be as casual as respiration, as easy as whistling, and as common-place as shoveling great handfuls of Fritos into my mouth.
It wasn't enough to "understand" forensics. I had to "become" forensics.
But, alas, without tools, without navigation, without instruments to shine a light to see by, even at my most skilled, I was still like a blind man in a dark room of mystery, bumping repeatedly into the furniture of circumstance, trying to desperately grope for the doorknob of revelation.
And then, I found it: My deus ex machina, my answer, my creative apex: there was software available that I could afford. It was rudimentary and basic, yes... but so was I. That cold, hard fact would stop neither of us.
I combined my resources. What were the pictures I had? What could I discern?







Long nights were spent in front of the PC. Much coffee was drank. Many friends and family members grew concerned, as my obsession neared dementia... and, alas, I missed an episode of "House."
In the end, it was all worth it.
Ladies and gentlemen, I am proud to reveal the answer to all our questions.
Click here to see the full and total countenance of the Mysterious Cloaked Figure.
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That's a riot! I'm sure he will post his REAL picture now just to convince readers that that's not him.
the orange eye-shadow was a nice touch, and the lead-in addictive. As my cousin Sue would say WooooHoooo!
It's not easy being the Hero of the Blogosphere, what with psychos and conspiracy theorists always trying to reveal my True Secret Identity. And you said returning to work would "mean less blogging". I guess it's true what one of my fellow heroes once said: "Some m*****f***ers are always trying to ice-skate uphill."
So, worthy adversary and would-be evildoer, "A" for effort, even if the payoff wasn't precisely what I was expecting. This would have been a fun guest-post for my anniversary celebration too.
You'll just have to wait for next Wednesday like everyone else. Assuming of course that's what I meant about "revealing". Also, any good conspiracy theorist should know to question the clues, especially when they're supplied by the very secretive individual they're trying to expose.
Maybe what you saw...wasn't what you thought you saw....mwahaha...
So, worthy adversary and would-be evildoer, "A" for effort, even if the payoff wasn't precisely what I was expecting. This would have been a fun guest-post for my anniversary celebration too.
You'll just have to wait for next Wednesday like everyone else. Assuming of course that's what I meant about "revealing". Also, any good conspiracy theorist should know to question the clues, especially when they're supplied by the very secretive individual they're trying to expose.
Maybe what you saw...wasn't what you thought you saw....mwahaha...
MCF, I am sure I'm understating the fact when I say that your version of the composite photo is the single greatest thing in the history of mankind. Wendy and I are both literally sitting here crying and shaking with laughter. That alone made it all worth it.
I had a feeling you were teasing us - how in the world could you get a person's picture from those tidbits? :) But, I never saw THAT one coming! Hilarious!
MCF, who does your tats? I'm not big on McDonald's, but you WILL find me at Jack In The Box a lot, so I was thinking that a big likeness of Jack on MY chest would be just the thing to spice up an otherwise drab and boring evening between me and the missus.
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