The main stream media is rejoicing today, having found photographs of the President with disgraced, crooked lobbyist Jack Abramoff. Abramoff, of course, is the Washington insider who is believed to have bribed many politicians, most of them Republicans.

Since the Abramoff story broke, members of the media have dug like rabid gophers, hoping to find something... anything... anything at all... that might link Abramoff to the President. The diligence has paid off. Today, stories surfaced that indicate that there exists FIVE photographs of Abramoff with George W. Bush!

Well, THAT ought to do it. If those pictures don't bring Bush down, then the whole world might as well spin off it's axis.

After all, everyone knows that Presidents very, VERY rarely pose to have their pictures taken with anyone.

And when they do bother to have a picture taken with someone, it's ONLY because they are intimately involved in some nefarious plot with that person. There's really no reason to have your picture taken with someone, after all, other than as a souvenir of the cementing of your shared evil plans.

Yep, if the president shows up in a picture with Abramoff, that's PROOF POSITIVE that he and Abramoff are undeniably, clearly, and unmistakably linked in a criminal activity of some sort.

If you doubt me, just look at some of the VERY FEW pictures that have been taken over the past six years of George W. Bush. In each one, you see him posed with someone evil... someone he's plotting with... someone with whom he hopes to bring down the world:

Here we see the President with Yogi Berra on his left. What, you might ask, is the evil plot that those two share? Come on! It's GEORGE W. BUSH and YOGI BERRA! Obviously, they plan to join together and DESTROY the English language.

Here the President and some unknown evil woman plan to press their torsos together and crush the short, innocent woman who stands between them.

Here's Dubya with an old man and an old woman. It's rumored that they plan to join forces so as to ensure that they can keep those damned kids off the lawn. Oh, how the youth have suffered since the George W. Bush presidency began!

George W. Bush poses in this photo with noted wife-abuser, criminal, and Godfather of Soul, James Brown. In a desperate attempt to preserve his anonymity, Brown seems to have applied heavy eye makeup and lipstick. We see through his disguise.

It's unknown exactly what the President was plotting with the Queen of England... but experts theorize that it involves silly hats.

Unknown to Laura Bush (who insiders say is a sweet, innocent woman) George W. Bush has a second, secret family in Wallace, Idaho. On weekends, he sneaks off to the land of potatoes to live his surreptitious second life. Here, he poses with the other Mrs. Bush and their sons, Wally and the Beaver. Oh, if the two families ever find out about each other, you can imagine the comic hijinks that will ensue! Serves him right, the bastard!

It's rumored by many that this man, Richard "Lon" Cheney, has been working with President Bush to take over the world. It's unclear exactly what their plot is, but the mere existence of this photo proves that they're up to something.

Sometimes, Dubya's evil plots backfire. A few years ago, the President arranged a meeting between himself, his dad, and the most famously evil man in the universe, William "Darth" Clinton. It seems that the Bush family hoped to join forces with Clinton and destroy the universe with some sort of very large bomb. Clinton attended the meeting, but merrily spent the hour-long summit having the Bush boys "pull his finger." Here, he shows the photographer exactly which finger it was that he used to deceive the President and his father.

Amazingly enough, by the time they got back to the car, Clinton had managed to con Dubya into pulling the other finger, too. They don't call him Slick for nothin'!