I'm not reviewing this movie. I haven't seen the movie; I haven't even seen the trailer. What I'm doing here is reviewing this movie's poster ... and from what I can tell just from the poster, this is probably the greatest movie ever made.

For starters, you've got Steve Guttenberg as the star. And if anyone can carry an intense action/thriller, it's Steve Guttenberg. I can't even imagine some of my favorite intense action/thrillers, like 3 Men And A Baby and PS, Your Cat Is Dead, without Guttenberg's intense, action-packed, thrilling presence.

Then there's the name of the movie itself: Fatal Rescue. Movie studios have a sacred bond with audiences when it comes to the word fatal. Simply put, the studios only put the word fatal in a movie's title if the movie is an artistic triumph. Consider watershed efforts such as Fatal Error, Fatal Justice, Fatal Memories (With the great Shelley Long), Fatal Judgement, and Fatal Fury 2: The New Battle.

It's the same thing with the word Deadly. The studios have agreed, by the way, that they're reserving the title Deadly Fatality for the final and best movie ever to be made. (Vin Diesel is in talks to star.)

But back to the film at hand. Of course, I'm extremely intrigued by the concept of a rescue that is fatal. I can't imagine how you can both kill and rescue anyone. This movie probably involves an ingenuous plot twist. Maybe Guttenberg is rescuing someone from being alive?

The poster's final selling point is the intense focus on the faces of all the actors pictured. It isn't clear what they're looking at, but whatever it is has them gravely concerned. Just look at the way Guttenberg is channeling all of his intensity with his eyebrows and his slightly open mouth (great actors can do that). His face clearly says "I'm gravely concerned." Aren't you just dying to know what he sees?

Of course I'll be reviewing Fatal Rescue just as soon as I get a chance to go buy the deluxe, three-disc collector's edition DVD (I assume there is one). Boy, I just can't wait.

UPDATE: Scott at Good News Film Reviews looks at the trailer for Fatal Rescue.

Labels: Humor, Movies