Thursday, March 19, 2009
Junk Dump 15: The Junk Strikes Back
Epic, epic, epic fail.
Slipknot fans are soooo hard.
This is so half-assed, it looks like it was thrown together with Windows Paint ... and it made me laugh right out loud. I wish I could take credit for it.
My favorite one is the woman who's gesturing dramatically at the sign. Because the sign just might not be prominent enough.
I can't really explain why this made me laugh. But it did. It made me laugh really hard and it still makes me laugh. I'm laughing right now.
This is a painting (a bad painting) of Bigfoot and a UFO on black freaking velvet. And it's in a huge, gold-colored, ostentatious frame. If I owned this thing I would take it with me ABSOLUTELY EVERYWHERE I EVER GO.
Labels: Junk Dump
Sunday, February 01, 2009
Junk Dump 14: The First Of 2009
Here's my latest pile of random graphic images, stuff I saw on the internet at bulletin boards, at various sites, etc. Just stuff that made me laugh. Once again, I didn't save the addresses as to where I saw these things, so I can't give link credit. I just right-click-and-saved, and eventually the "junk" folder on our desktop got full again.
You know, as I look over this current pile o' junk, I realize that my sense of humor is just getting more and more obtuse.
Just something about the implication that this anteater is being cocky got me giggling. I took the liberty to cut out the offensive word, the one and only vulgarity that I do make some effort to keep this blog free of. To the best of my ability, this is an F-Bomb Free Zone. And I think we can guess how Mr. Anteater would respond to that.
Yeah, weird, but it made me laugh.
OK, I am the LAST person who should be poking fun at another fat ol' redneck fella. But you gotta admit, this picture and caption are funny. I've found that if you sneak up on pie in the middle of the night while it's sleeping in the fridge you can make a quick surgical strike and get out of there in minutes.
I love it when The Simpsons writers go for a jokes that 90% of their audience won't get and 10% will think is hilarious and brilliant. I have to wonder how many times I'm in the 90%. Probably a whole lot.
Existentially, Snoopy and Charlie Brown are perfect for their roles, and I can live with Schroeder as Ozz... but Linus as the Comedian? That just doesn't work. Have Linus be Night Owl and Charlie Brown's sister Sally be the Silk Spectre. And go cross-gener with Peppermint Patty as the Comedian. If Lucy is gonna be in the thing at all, I'd cast her as Moloch or maybe as Nixon. Or maybe as Jon's first wife. Those changes represent much better casting than the original roles in the graphic, right?
Nope, still not trying to win the "Enlightened Male Blogger" award. I wonder if Lorna will bust me on this one? ;)
Cool! A door mat with a message that flips as easily and quickly as my wife's moods! (Rimshot.)
I saw this clip on TV... the trainer is trying to teach the dog not to lunge for food ... to wait and eat what and when he's allowed. The training seems to be working ... but at what price, Jim? AT. WHAT. PRICE?!!??.
Monday, December 15, 2008
Junk Dump 13
There are a number of things I want to write and post, but I haven't really got the time to sit down and think. In the meantime, here's some stuff I saw and right-click-saved:
No, this is NOT a picture of me.
Yes, I would wear that suit if I had it.
Just your typical "kids crying on Santa's lap" picture. But it's the exasperation on Santa's face here that really cracked me up.
Yep, that's about right.
These last three are motivational poster parodies that cracked me up. And two of them involve bears!
Get it? It's a polar bear ... with a CHAIN SAW! Because an unarmed polar bear just isn't dangerous enough.
If I had a bear I could ride I would ride it everywhere. And I would wave a sword at all times. I would just ride around on my bear, waving my sword, and NOBODY would EVER screw with me. That would SO rule.
And, yes, I'd be wearing my black Spider-Man suit.
Labels: Junk Dump
Thursday, October 09, 2008
Junk Dump No. 12: Autumn Junk
Before I commence with the usual goofy .jpg's that I've right-clicked-and-saved lately, here are three links worth clicking:
- Do all dogs go to heaven? That's a matter of intense theological debate.
- Yesterday I posted a YouTube video of Taylor Mali reciting a spoken word piece. I didn't know anything about Taylor Mali at the time. I've since learned that he's a "slam poet." I checked out a number of his poems today and I really enjoyed them. Especially this hilarious parody and this clever bit of linguistic satire.
- In the only (I promise!) mention of politics in this whole post, it looks like McCain is finally ready to fight like he wants to win. Probably too little, too late, though.
Now, on with the goofy pics that I found here and there ... and, as usual, I can't remember specifically where I found any of them.
Hey, I love dogs as much as the next person ... but I also love Chinese food.
I'm still not sure if there's a correlation.
Wonder if it intersects with Shovelbugger Ave.
There's just something reassuring about answering the door with a chainsaw.
Yes, but it as good as the cow something mom used to make?
That is not dead which can eternal campaign.
Of course, the main reason I answer the door with a chainsaw is just in case this guy is there. Again.
I think it's his apparent ambivalence about the price tag that worries me most.
Eh. Six of one, half-dozen of the other.
I think it might have been a certain Mr. Copy Editor's last day on the job.
Que?
This is beer mixed with tomato juice, "clam juice," lime and salt. I'm not sure if this qualifies as a beverage or as an expression of Anheuser Busch's contempt for their own customer base: "Here, drink this, you redneck retards."
This last picture isn't something I saw on the net. Wendy took this picture with her cellphone at our local Wal-Mart.
Beware our local Wal-Mart.
Thursday, August 14, 2008
Dumpin' My Junk: Bigfoot, Chupacabra, Monkeys and More
This edition of the Junk Dump comes with YouTube videos.
First there was the Montauk Monster:
Now "evidence" of two other cryptids has turned up.
Some guys in Georgia claim to have found the corpse of a Sasquatch:
I'll wear a lime-green tutu and dance at Obama's inauguration if that thing turns out to be a real Bigfoot. And I'll post that on YouTube.
Even people who really do believe in the Sasquatch are calling the Georgia Bigfoot a hoax.
Then there's this, video tape shot by a cop of "El Chupacabra" in the flesh:
OK, this one strikes me as somewhat credible. Here's what I mean by that: I don't think that this is evidence of a cryptid. It's not some new animal that has been heretofore unknown to science. But I think it is possible that this is video tape of a rarely seen hideous crossbreed of coyotes and feral dogs. And I think it's possible that this thing is so ugly that if you found one devouring your chickens at night you might think it was a monster. You might even think you'd seen "El Chupacabra." So, no, I don't think the infamous goat-sucker has finally been proven real. But I do think that the mystery of "El Chupacabra" may have been solved.
And for what it's worth, I think that this YouTube clip offers evidence of a far scarier and harder to explain version of "El Chupacabra" itself:
Anyway, on with the ceremonial dumping of the junk:
I've found that you can't go wrong if you include pictures of monkeys in any blog post.
Go ahead, Mythbusters, prove it won't work. If you can.
If you build it, they will be really cool.
Indeed, old sport, you certainly put that hooligan in his punk-ass place.
D@mN
V@N|)@L5.
You'll have to click the one above to open the full-size graphic. I think it's pretty funny.
It meant them no harm. It was sent here to find and protect a cardboard cutout of John Connor.
Don't these two jpg's go well together?
Somebody posted video of a Pentecostal church service and put techno music behind it. I don't mean to mock my charismatic Evangelical brothers, but I gotta admit, I've always thought that this kind of behavior had more to do with mass hysteria than anything spiritual. And this clip makes me laugh like crazy.
Labels: Junk Dump, News, You Tube
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
Junk Dump No. 10
Just another set of images from anywhere and everywhere on the net ... things that caught my attention, made me laugh, whatever. However, I'll begin not with a picture from the far reaches of the net, but from my own kitchen. This is just a quick picture to document one aspect of the whole bladder cancer thing:
Along with taking pain pills throughout the day, I have to take two big doses of various kinds of medicine each day. I got the pills ready for my evening dose the other night and I just couldn't believe the number of pills I had to take at once. As Jeff Foxworthy would say, that looks like a handful of Skittles, doesn't it?
Those are lighthouses. LIGHTHOUSES! What in the world did you THINK they were? Oh, yeah? Me, too.
Wonder what his name is. Bitey, maybe?
I hadn't noticed how much Obama looks like Alfred E. Newman until I saw this.
This graphic made me laugh so hard. Those big-head Burger King commercials are horrifying.
Did this make you laugh? Then you're as big a nerd as I am.
On the other hand, if it weren't for the occasional meeting, I'd have to do all my sleeping at home.
This is the only warning you'll receive.
I have no doubt that this odd, half-ass Christmas display was put together by someone with the best of intentions. Nonetheless, I'll never be able to look at Santa again without thinking "I've been good, please stop!"
Labels: Junk Dump
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